Tuesday, 29 January 2013

A Wet Dull Tuesday In January

When I woke up this morning I felt tired and demotivated. I have no idea why apart from the fact that I'm an occasional insomniac and I haven't been sleeping well for the last week or so. I am sure there will be many of you who will empathise. Just skimming over my timeline on Facebook or Twitter reveals quite a few bemoaning the fact that they can't sleep. Anyway there I am feeling jaded and not wanting to move my butt. But I have to because I've arranged to meet a friend for coffee. So I shower, have breakfast and have desultory look at twitter before I leave the house. In one of my exchanges with a tweep she's tells me how lucky I am to be meeting said friend etc but I'm thinking yes well I wish I had something meaningful to do! 

I continue in this vein on my journey into town. I arrive first and order myself an americano. However, I've only just sat down when my friend arrives. We pass a few pleasantries and then as we do normally we get into a really interesting discussion about how easy it is to look at someone else and think they're living or enjoying life more than we do? She was telling me that she felt that I'd got it about right. I was centred at home and I don't need to keep looking for something outside. That I clearly love my spouse and he loves me. That our children and grandchildren seemed  to  enjoy spending time with us. That we adored the pooches and we live in comfortable style. All of which I'm pleased to say is true.

We returned again to the topic of the difference in our lives and those of  our mothers. They worked hard and looked forward to retirement and simple pleasures. We struggle to come to terms with an identity outside of work and feel we're missing out in some way? Now if I'm honest I don't have the energy for work anymore and neither do I want to. However, I do miss the urgency that work brought. I guess I miss the stress so I stress about not being stressed! How contrary is that? 

I told my friend before she sped off to a meeting and I sped of to Marks and Spencer that if I'd been given the choice I probably would have stayed at home this morning. However, in retrospect, I was really pleased I hadn't. That after a couple of hours talking with her I felt alive and rejuvenated. That I can consider myself fortunate because unlike Blanche Dubois I don't have to 'depend on the kindness of strangers'.  I have good friends like her.

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