I need help. I am 29 years old and work in retail. I met my current girlfriend who is the same age as me just over a year ago. I met her on holiday. Her partner had died the previous year from testicular cancer. She was clearly not interested in me in a sexual sense but I persevered and eventually won her over. All seemed fine until I began to get obsessed with her cheating on me. I know it's probably me because this is the third time I have been in a relationship and this has happened. I seem to be attracted to girls who are in trouble in some way. I think this goes back to my childhood. My father was a violent alcoholic who made my mother's life and mine a living nightmare. I used to try to protect her but I finished up being the punchball too. My mother eventually left him when I was 12 years old but the separation and divorce was very messy and didn't really end until my father found someone else to latch onto and persecute. I'm sorry if I sound bitter I guess I am. Anyway here I am I don't want to lose my girlfriend but I cannot get these thoughts out of my head.
I agree with you. I think you need help, but not from me. I think the best thing for you would be to seek face to face therapy either through your GP or privately. It seems to me you have introduced some very complex issues which cannot be addressed in a few lines. I think the good news is that you have already gained some good insight into what could be at the bottom of your jealous feelings.
Unfortunately you have given me limited information about your girlfriend apart from that she says it's all in your mind. But the strain must be unbearable for you both and I'm assuming that if she began a relationship with you a year after she was bereaved that she may have a few issues of her own to deal with too?
If you do decide to take my advice and seek professional help. Hypnotherapy could be an option. It can be an effective tool in improving self esteem and letting go of childhood pain. The difference is that you are working with the unconscious processes rather than the conscious. The efficacy, however, is dependent, like all other therapies, on the client's commitment. It is not a magic switch as some imagine. But whatever you decide I would urge taking action because this damaging cycle of yours needs bringing to an end. I don't know whether this relationship will survive but it could mean that in future you will make and maintain good relationships.
One final word make sure your therapist is registered with a bona fide organisation for counselling, psychotherapy or hypnotherapy (see my links page) and shop around until you find someone you can work with and trust. Even in therapy one size does not fit all.