Monday, 9 January 2012

Phil's Problem - We Don't Agree on Retirement

Hi Babs

I am a 60 year old teacher and I am about to retire. My wife retired a couple of years ago and after a few hiccoughs settled into it. In fact our life together has been pretty good. She took over the household chores and the day to day running of the house and still found time for herself so she was pretty contented and so was I because it meant I was freed up to relax when not working. Now though with retirement looming we've already started to squabble about how life will be once I finish work at Easter. 

We have been married for 30 years and I would say our life together is settled. We're not in the first flush of youth after all. Sex has been good. It's less frequent now but when it happens it's still good. We know what each other like and we are both considerate of each other's needs. But now it seems after all those years of consensus  we're at loggerheads. What would you advise? 

Dear Phil 

Thanks for writing to me. By the sound of it you're suffering from pre-retirement nerves and I can empathise with that. But you know this could be a really good phase in your life. I would suggest that you and your wife write down what you both want from retirement and then compare lists. You may find you have more in common than you think. In my experience couples often fear what life will be like together when they no longer work but if you think about it there is no reason for it to be problematic. If you co-operated when you both worked and you've been able to co-operate while only you have worked then why should this be different? If you stick to the rules of me time, couple time and family time it should all work out fine. I find myself repeating this mantra but good relationships are about co-operation and working out a win win solution. If you can be married for 30 years and have a sex life where you can both be considerate of each other's needs then I think you can be considerate of each others wants. Good luck with the retirement. 

1 comment:

  1. As they say, no problem could not be fixed with compromise. You need to settle down on an agreement and set aside your differences.

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