Sunday, 29 January 2012

Acting on Impulse - I'm Attracted To My Son's Friend

Dear Babs

I am a 42 year old mother of 3. I have been married for 20 years but if I'm honest we've not been close for years. My husband is a self employed workaholic. We spend very little time with each other. He's either working, playing golf or he's asleep. I have a good job as an administrator. I am a member of a squash club and I have people I can socialise with. I can't remember the last time we had sex but I've always been happy masturbating so I've not really seen it as a problem. I know some people would find it difficult to believe but I've been reasonably content. That is until our 19 year old son's friend started coming on to me. He's attractive, with a good body and he wants me. That feels very seductive. I know I should just say no but that feels very difficult to do and part of me thinks what's the harm? Am I kidding myself? 

Dear Anonymous

The short answer I'm afraid is yes I think you're kidding yourself. I think there could be a great deal of harm in acting on your impulses. I can understand the attraction of being desired especially with someone younger? But let's be clear even though this young man is technically an adult you are the one with the life experience. This is a potentially explosive situation for a number of people and I don't just mean your family unit. 

Let's say you succumbed and had sex with him. Would that be it or would you carry on? What if he wanted to carry on and you didn't? What if he disclosed to someone else about the experience? How would your son and your family feel about it? I know that sex is supposed to be sex but usually there are feelings involved. I am not responding from a moral standpoint but from a purely pragmatic point of view. I think if you take this particular genie out of the bottle it would be impossible to put it back in.

My advice would be to look at your relationship with your spouse and ask yourself is this what I want? If it is then ok but having sex with this young man in my opinion would be just scratching an itch. The choice of course is yours.

1 comment:

  1. Well, Babs - you've said all that I would have said! As a mother of three sons - a lot of their friends flirted with me and it was an ego boost, loved it and left it at that. It embarrassed my sons and if any got too friendly I would back off - not because I had a good marriage, but I didn't want to lose the respect or love of my sons - and boys gossip and boast just as much as girls and are often more immature.