Sunday, 27 November 2011

Shit Happens

I don't know who coined the phrase 'shit happens' but I've found it useful over the years to say to clients in encouraging them in change, 'shit happens but it's not that it happens it's what you do with it'. In my opinion never is that more clearly highlighted than when a tragedy happens like the death of Gary Speed. 

I believe there are always more than the two responses to everything but with something like this there seems to be two broad churches of opinion. One is that this is a tragedy and we should understand it and be sympathetic or two suicide is wrong and it's a cowardly and unconscionable act. Both responses could be described as fundamental in nature since they are immediate and knee jerk.  

If I am honest I am instinctively with the first group. I feel to take one's own life when seemingly in physical good health talks of real pain and despair and why anyone would want to castigate someone for that is beyond me. I don't know whether you've tried to hurt yourself whilst in sound mind but I have as an experiment and I couldn't do it. To the believers who think it's against God's law I'd like to say believe it if you wish but don't spill filth onto my timeline. My idea of God is of a kind and benevolent being and not a deity that call's you a cowardly shit.

I won't bore you with talking about mental health issues or statistics about depression but please in the name of all that is human show some compassion. As my old Mum used to say 'there but for the grace of God go I'.


  1. No one can know what goes through the mind of any one who commits suicide - but they are definitely not a coward. I know because I've been in that situation once or twice and I was too frightened to take all those pills with that bottle of whisky.
    All I can say is that there must have been a desperation about him and no one he wanted to bother with it - how sad

  2. thanks Pat - I am often struck by the bravery and honesty of your responses and never more so than now

  3. My heart weeps when I hear about these moments. None of us have the right to judge others, least of all when someone makes a decision to end their own life. People have the right to their beliefs, but I have to say that it's not appropriate to use religion as a vehicle to judge others. Kind of defeats the object really... I'm with you on that one!

    People often smile to the world when in fact they are desperately sad inside. If someone has died in this way, I cannot possibly judge anyone for being human...

    Someone who means the world to me tried to take his own life twice before I knew him. I won't go into the details. The pills didn't work as he was found in time... It took an extraordinary amount of courage to face what he did and to find a way to live from that moment on. He's the bravest man I know and inspires me with his incredible courage. Yet I'm sure that some would attack him for being selfish if they knew. It's a sad indictment of some in society who have no heart.


  4. This is a real tragedy but then of course - all suicides are a real tragedy. I am definitely with you Barbara - there must have been real pain involved and sadly Gary Speed must have reached the conclusion that a cure for his pain won out in the balancing act with his family's feelings.
    I for one will not condemn him as I have been in a similar place myself but my weigh scales tipped the other way.
    Thoughts are with those left behind.

  5. thanks Nikki for your comment - as so often happens we're on the same page. I am not a practicing Christian but another quote is 'judge not lest ye be judged'. Is it heartlessness or lack of empathy? I don't know but I do not like cruelty in whatever form x

  6. that is so true Bob it's a sad loss of life and of a loved one to family and friends. It could happen to anyone imo and the only resolution is to open our hearts and our mind's to other people's pain

  7. I am with you on this one Babs - for someone to commit suicide and leave behind loved ones they must be in a very dark place - some people will understand but unfortunately many will judge without really knowing what these poor people go through - for whatever reason. I worked with a girl who's 17 year old son hung himself about 8 years ago - and the guilt she suffered because of that is still with her today - she felt that she had badly
    Let him down - the family was just distroyed - just so sad

  8. For someone to take their own life is a very sad and hard tragedy to understand.  To be in that dark place where suicide is the only option makes my cry.  I cannot judge or condemn because I know nothing of what goes on in others minds.  People do often smile when in fact they are very sad and desperate.  If people cannot show compassion and think of others and the loved ones left behind, are they human?

  9. I agree Christine. I think people who judge others in this way are black and white thinkers and are at heart fearful. Perhaps they too need our compassion?

  10. I think you have a point there Sheila 'judge without thinking'. So please let's ask others to think before making judgements and instead as themselves how might I feel in this situation?