I'm quite a logical person but I really can't sort things out in my head. I am 34 year old lesbian and my two year relationship ended a couple of months ago by mutual agreement. I have had two previous serious relationships both lasting roughly the same length of time. The first was ended by my then partner and the second one by me.
I am an only child and I'm very close to my widowed mother. She doesn't interfere but my partners seem to see her as a problem and I don't know why? I see her every week and talk to her on the phone on a regular basis but we live our own lives. I don't get it? Is it unreasonable to want to maintain my relationship with my mother? The women in my life always seem to get jealous and it then begins to feel like my mother or them? What is their problem? How can I have a good relationship with a partner who doesn't see my mother as a threat? I feel really frustrated and unhappy.
I would say from the mother-in-law perspective that the secret is to be friendly with your children's partners and only get involved in relationship issues when invited. I wonder what's happening with your mother? You tell me how your partners react to her not how she reacts to them? You say you see her every week and talk to her on a regular basis. How regular and on what basis? What is it you need to speak to her about so regularly?
Please believe me when I say I am not anti mother or parent but if you are going to have a successful adult couple relationship you need to make that your prime relationship. I am not suggesting you stop being a good daughter but become a better partner. It sounds as if you and your mother could to do with renegotiating your relationship. It is the norm that children grow up and resolve their own issues and problems they don't stay attached to their mothers. If that sounds weird check out the animal kingdom you don't see animals running back to mother at the first hint of trouble they learn to survive.
I am really sorry that you are unhappy and frustrated but if your mother has been an issue in three relationships don't you think that's telling you something? Is it really the partner's problem? Of course you could also be picking the wrong women and you may want to discuss this with a good counsellor. Perhaps also as a first step you could check out one of the books about relationships on my recommendation page.
Take heart you can learn to have good relationships but perhaps first you could learn about yourself and how to start to loosening those apron strings?