I've never used anything like this before so you'll have to bear with me if I waffle. I'm a 25 yr old mother of a beautiful toddler. His father and I have been together 7yrs but since the birth have been growing further and further apart. The financial strain and differing expectations on how family life should be have just caused argument after argument. We've tried 'date nights' which resulted in another screaming match and him leaving me alone in the middle of town to meet his mates. Our sex life is non existent and if it does happen i have no interest/enjoyment. I know in my heart the relationship is dead but feel like leaving makes me a 'bad mum' and selfish. If I'm being honest there's also the fear that I'll be alone forever if I leave him.
Any of your thoughts are welcome.
I am sorry you are experiencing problems. It's a common myth that children glue couples together. In fact they often do the opposite due in part as you say to 'differing expectations'. If you feel there is no mileage in the relationship then in my opinion staying together for the children isn't a good enough reason and neither is the fear of being on your own. It is my belief that children fair better with two happy parents rather than two unhappy ones. I do understand the difficulties surrounding your situation and I am not saying any of the options available to you are easy. Before you do anything my suggestion would be to write down the pros and cons of staying in the relationship. When you've written them down extend the communication with yourself by asking yourself 'what makes me think or feel that' at the end of each statement by using the word because. An example of a con could be we are always arguing because? He doesn't listen to me because? He thinks I'm always nagging because? So on and so forth. Continue with 'because' until you run out of steam so as to clarify what you think and feel. Another good question is 'what advice would I give to someone in my situation'? The reason is because that is often your answer. If you can't afford counselling which I would suggest there is are a couple of good books on my recommendations page Baby Shock and Moving On which may help.
Thank you for using the problem page and I do hope you have found it useful.