As a relationship counsellor people often expect me to advise them on what to do. They want to know whether their relationship is doomed or whether they can make a success of it. I always respond in the same way i.e. we can explore their options together.
Much is made of choice and it's often suggested, that these days, we have too much choice. I feel this is erroneous. In my opinion there are only three choices when reviewing your relationship - lump it, leave it or change it.
Currently you may find youself lumping it. Perhaps you've not been happy for a long time but feel unable to to do anything to improve it. You may feel the relationship is over but lack the wherewithal to leave or to end it. Perhaps the children are young & you feel it's better for them if you stay in the relationship. Perhaps you fear being on your own. After all our society is based on couples & though theoretically it's ok to be single often it seems a lonely option. The reasons are as varied as the descriptions of a good relationship. Often one of you will feel victimised or martyred sacrificed on the altar of the ungrateful partner.
Leaving is also a choice which can made out of helplessness. You may feel you have done everything you can to make it a good relationship but to no avail and you've decided enough is enough. This could indicate that you feel you have the responsibility for the relationship and/or you are sticking to your view of a good relationship & see compromise/collaboration as a non option? Of course after mutual consideration you may have come to the conclusion that you want different things & it's ok to call it a day.
Change isn't an easy option. It means two people really communicating how they feel & why they feel something. Inspite of the popular opinion that couples don't put enough effort into making relationships work nobody (to my knowledge) has separated on the basis of a raised loo seat or the top being left off the toothpaste - it's what these actions represent. When we negotiate we look at the bottom line & then choose to modify or not. In my opinion it's ok to ask someone to change behaviour on the basis of give & take. It is not ok if you're asking them to be someone else entirely.
These are my personal opinions based on the work I do & do not represent any organisation I have connections with - neither am I reflecting on abusive relationships which is something else entire.