I don't know whether it's the same for you but when I reach the end of the day & reflect there is usually a overriding theme. Today's theme has been communication - what does it mean - how do we use it? Often when I introduce the subject of communication to clients they are puzzled. After all there's nothing unusual about speaking is there? When we proceed, however, they soon catch on to the idea that sharing what they think & feel isn't quite the same as chit chat. I'm not implying there's anything intrinsically wrong with chit chat but if that's all you do you're probably not connecting as effectively as you could do.
In my opinion good communication is one of the cornerstones of good relationships. I'm not speaking about coupledom I mean any relationship - parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, bosses etc. Working out what you think & feel & whether it's appropriate to say is an invaluable skill.
I grew up calling a spade a shovel. I thought it was simple you said what you thought & as they say in Yorkshire 'job's a good un'. I didn't realise that other people found it intimidating. I was useful as a spokesperson, I was fun but I was probably considered to be mouthy & not particularly friendly. It didn't stop me progressing in my then career but it didn't make me popular with my staff. They worked & they worked hard but they didn't like me. It upset me but I thought it was a case of you 'can't run with the hare & the hounds'.
When I went to University as a mature student I learned to share ideas & debate but I was still fairly oblivious to the impact I had. It wasn't until I began training as a counsellor that I began to consider who I was, what I thought & how other people really perceived me. I was intelligent & I could talk for England but I wasn't a really effective communicator.
I won't bore you with my training but I will tell you that my first tutor when she found out I was training for couple counselling said 'oh I think you'd be good at that because you won't mind whether other people like you or not'. I was flabbergasted what did she mean? She meant she found me challenging but she was also indicating that to challenge meant you wouldn't be liked. Her comment actually said more about her than it did about me but in fact she was wrong. It's ok to challenge - the difficult bit is to learn to challenge in a way that can be heard & worked with?
I think it's possible to share negative feelings without accusation & be heard. We are pretty much like children insofar as we want to be liked & loved & if we're receiving regular praise we'll pretty much accept the odd negative remark. The older I get the more my Mum's sayings run through my mind. Her advice on communication was you have two ears & one mouth use them in proportion & you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar but it took me a long time to assimilate that advice.